Discover How Emotions are Messengers
...and learn how to allow emotions to move through you
Think about the earliest messages you received about emotions (both spoken and unspoken). Were you told, “Boys don’t cry?” Or “You’re too much for me.”
Whether you were told directly that showing emotions isn’t acceptable. Or, you absorbed the ever-present cultural messages promoting perfection and progress at any cost. We have been conditioned to see certain emotions as bad and something to be controlled or managed.
I don’t know about you, but if I were an emotion, I wouldn’t want to be managed, criticized, or shoved into a dark hole inside of someone. Yet if you and your emotional landscape were never entirely accepted by others, then you may be trying to do everything you can to keep them locked away inside of you, too.
Even as a therapist who helps people understand and process their emotions, I, too, have gone through a process of deconditioning from the messages I’ve absorbed on whether or not it’s ok to show emotions. And I can tell you wholeheartedly that emotions are here to teach us what we need or don’t need. So journey with me as I explore the wisdom I’ve found in learning to express the emotions that live inside each of us safely.
Emotions Teach Us About Ourselves
I can remember being in my personal therapy session and trying to stop myself from crying in front of my therapist. Or, apologizing to others if I’m feeling down, blah, or anything other than shiny and happy. Does anyone else resonate with this?
Once I began leaning into allowing emotions to flow through me, I learned to appreciate them even more. I share this today to help you rediscover that humans are emotional beings. And while it’s not ok to use our emotions to control and manipulate others, it is ok to learn how to respond to our emotions - in a way that maybe you’ve never experienced before.
Here are 5 things I’ve learned about emotions on my healing journey:
Emotions are energy in motion: On the most basic level, emotions are energy. And they desire to move, be expressed, and be heard.
Emotions can get stuck: Emotions can get stuck in our body and in the past. When we don’t allow our emotions to move or we don’t have a safe place to express them, they can get stuck inside of us.
Emotions are impermanent: When we allow emotions to be seen, heard, and move through us, they receive what they need and don’t need to keep clawing for attention inside of us. You can feel one emotion in the morning, and a completely different emotion in the afternoon, all because you allowed them to move through you.
Emotions have needs: When you think of emotions as energy that needs you, then you can learn to show up and listen to what the feeling needs from you.
Emotions are messengers: Often emotions carry a message for us. Grief shows us what we value. Anger shows us what we aren’t ok with. Frustration shows us what isn’t working.
What would change inside of you if you treated your emotions like a precious child inside of you that’s tugging on your sleeve? The feeling wants your attention and some are more persistent than others. Will you lean in and see what they have to say or need from you?
Allowing Emotions to Move Through Us
In another article, I shared how to connect with your emotions with your words and loving presence. These four steps will help you acknowledge and listen deeply to your feelings. Other times, you may need to move your body or use your voice to allow the emotions to move through you.
Some expressive ideas on how you can allow your emotions to move through you (in a safe or private space):
Cry, sob, wail
Groan, growl, or make sounds
Dance by letting your body move the way you feel
Gently shake your body all at once or one body part at a time
Hug or place a hand on the part that’s hurting
Write by letting each feeling have a voice
Draw or paint what you are feeling
Which one of these do you feel brave enough to try next time you notice an emotion present?
As someone who has swallowed tears to the point it hurt more, know that responding to your emotions with kindness and compassion will happen over time. Be patient with yourself as you try these expressive practices and writing prompts to learn what feels best for you.
Journal Prompts for Exploring Emotions
These prompts are not a replacement for connecting and expressing your emotions, but they will help you build awareness regarding your relationship to emotions:
What emotions are you most comfortable with?
What emotions do you try to suppress or have a hard time identifying?
What were the messages you received regarding emotions growing up?
How would you like to respond to your emotions now?
How will you embrace the courage to feel and express your feelings?
Need More Inspiration? How I’ve Been Embracing & Moving Through Emotions Lately:
Embrace an Intuitive Movement practice where you move with what feels most alive within you, including desires, intentions, and shadows
Read the book, The Wild Edge of Sorrow, by Francis Weller. It’s a beautiful book about how to move through different types of loss in a culture that suppresses grief.
Disclaimer: Some people use emotional upset to try to control others. It's never ok to use (or receive) violence, manipulation, or threats when you (or someone else) are experiencing feelings. This post is for anyone who feels like they have been neglecting their internal world for far too long or judges themselves for having feelings of any kind.